By Ocean Palmer<\/p>\n
Whether at work or home, relationships erode because of four things:
\n1. Criticism
\n2. Contempt
\n3. Being too defensive
\n4. Stonewalling.<\/p>\n
Criticism Contempt Being too defensive The television show Seinfeld<\/i> built an entire episode \u2013 The Jerk Store \u2014 around this concept. George Costanza took a verbal shot from a co-worker and was determined to think up something wittier to fire back. He failed miserably and never did.<\/p>\n Stonewalling This is called \u201cselective disclosure\u201d and selective disclosure erodes trust. The refusal to come clean on true feelings and relevant information are barriers to rebuilding a relationship.<\/p>\n Stonewalling can involve withholding information, revealing issues of emotional importance, or both.<\/p>\n Those four\u2019s cumulative cost
\n<\/strong>Criticism is marked by attacks and negativity, the usual tricks of a bully. These stinging attacks hit especially hard on those whose personalities are meek or submissive, or who do not possess a confident self-image.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Contempt is shown through put-downs and disdain. Belittling and disrespect are used to make us feel inferior. Often the sender of these messages does so in order to boost his or her own self-esteem, which is typically low to begin with. They try to make themselves feel better by making someone else feel worse.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Becoming defensive occurs when someone challenges the negative feedback they are receiving by responding with mean, negative retorts aimed back at the initiator. This is a counterproductive \u201clashing back\u201d technique that plays out like a tennis volley at the net, with both people trading shots.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Stonewalling involves the silent treatment and\/or the refusal to share information of emotional value during \u201cclear the air\u201d discussions.<\/p>\n
\n<\/strong>Each of those irritation techniques will, over time, take its toll. Together they will accelerate hard feelings and cause drama and stress \u2014 which will eventually lead to bitter and resentful confrontation.<\/p>\n