A lot has been said about the virtues of forgiveness. Equally important is the realisation that not being able to forgive can be harmful to our health. There are now ample scientific evidence to show how an unforgiving heart can harm us not only emotionally but also physically as well.

We now know that all negative emotions are harmful to our well-being. However, an unforgiving heart is especially toxic to our system. Unlike an occassional outburst of anger, an unforgiving heart harbours a mixture of negative emotions - anger, hatred, shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, sadness, etc. On top of that, for most people this unforgiveness simmers chronically in our system for a long time.

Unknown to us, the longer we hold on to an unforgiving heart, the more toxic and damages it wrecks onto our body. Our body is constantly on the fight or flight mode, thus activating the neurotransmitters and electrical impulses that lead to a cascade of reactions from the brain to the blood stream and the nervous systems all the way to the cells and organs, leaving a trail of negative and toxic micro-events on them.

We see an increased in blood pressure and heart rate, a contraction of the musculatures, especially over the back of the head, the neck and the shoulder areas, resulting in a tired and painful neck and shoulders. There is also constriction of blood vessels in the heart which may increase the risk of a heart attack. Blood flow to the liver is also diminished, resulting in impairment in the detoxification process of the liver. The immune system is also impaired, making one more susceptible to infections and perhaps even malignancy.

Knowing all these, won’t it be wiser - even when the hurt someone has inflicted on us is painful and unbearable - to simply forgive for our own sake? Forgiving is not about the perpetrator. It is about us.

Someone once told me, when we have been hurt, the best revenge is to live a good and happy life.